Feel like you’re underachieving in motherhood? This might be why

Growing up, we were told that we could be anything we wanted to be if we set our minds to it.

Dream big, work hard and you will achieve.

We took pride in being successful in the things that we set out to do, whether that was our education, travel, careers, or creative pursuits.

We grew accustomed to setting goals and then going out to smash them.

However, then we became mothers, and everything changed.

The world as we knew it was turned upside down, and we went from feeling competent, confident, and in control to feeling inadequate, anxious, and helpless.

The strategies that once worked for us are no match for the emotional web of modern motherhood.

It shakes us to our core, and suddenly we feel overwhelmed, frustrated and like a completely different person.

If any of this resonates, here are some reasons why the transition into motherhood can feel so uncomfortable for women who are used to achieving.

Control is a major factor.

We crave control because we thrive in it. When we can set goals and make a plan. But motherhood is unpredictable, and no amount of strategising can prepare us for the bumps in the road.

What can be even more scary is that our emotions can feel out of control too. Even if we’re used to handling high-stress situations, motherhood raises the stakes and we can find ourselves reacting in unexpected ways.

We’re used to getting s*** done - on our timeline - but suddenly our time doesn’t belong to us, and it can feel like nothing ever seems to get done, or at least not in the way we want it to be.

We prefer organisation, structure and calm but motherhood can be messy and complicated and over-stimulating.

We pride ourselves on being independent, problem solvers and self-sufficient but motherhood soon makes us realise that we are not superwomen (as society would have us believe) and that we need support, which can feel like a failure.

Finally, we set super high standards for ourselves, and when we can't meet them, (because see above) we feel inadequate, guilty and ashamed.

Feel familiar?

Unfortunately, there is no way to remove all the unpredictable and challenging parts of motherhood.

It is the most human of experiences.

There is no blueprint or ten-step plan for the perfect motherhood.

However, learning to be comfortable with loosening our grip, letting go of our expectations and accepting it for what it is, can help us to feel more equipped to manage and respond with grace.

In my own matrescence, two steps have supported me with this: redefining what success looks like now that I’m a mama, and looking hard at how I value myself and what I’m doing in my day-to-day.

I got clear on who am I now, and what makes me feel confident, fulfilled and proud.

I reflected on what success looks like in my home, my career, my relationships, my well-being, and how I show up as a mother.

And I pay more attention to how I value what I do with my time.

A lot of these things are very different to how they were before I was a mama, but I’m learning to accept that that’s okay. I’m still achieving every single day.

If you would like to understand what’s keeping you feeling stuck, frustrated and overwhelmed in motherhood, why not book a free exploratory call with me and we can untangle it together?